Clarity With Charity

Motivation for Mommyhood, Marriage and the Mundane

Why I am Thankful for America

statue of libertyI met a student last year from another continent.  He was here because of an opportunity he had been given to study at a college in America.  I asked him what kinds of things he missed about his home country.  Although there was the typical list of things, food, family and friends, he was quick to tell me how thankful he was for this country.  He said he had noticed a lot of people complaining about America, and he couldn’t understand why. 

His face lit up as he described to me the opportunity for education, advancement and the fulfillment of his lifelong dreams that could not have happened in his home country.  He wasn’t bashing his home country but professing a deep gratitude for the opportunities to pursue what our forefathers described as “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” 

I left our conversation, convicted.  I was one of those people that frequently complained about America and took for granted the opportunities I have had here that I never would have had in most other nations.  I needed his perspective to stir thankfulness in me for the freedom and opportunities we have, and to pray more fervently for the preservation of freedom.

There are so many things that deeply hurt my heart about the path our nation has chosen.  But there are so many things to be thankful for.  Jesus showed us that thankfulness proceeds the miraculous.  He did this continuously throughout His ministry.  One of my favorite examples of this is Him thanking God for five loaves and two fishes, before it multiplied into a feast that fed thousands.

Let’s thank God today for our nation before continuing the important work of intercession.

Happy Birthday America!

What are you thankful for about America?

Win a Jamba Juice Gift Card!

P1040051Its time for another great give-away!  This give away is in honor of summer, fun and becoming brilliant while you bronze.  And because one of my favorite things to do in the summer is to drink a refreshing cold smoothie while reading by the pool or beach I am giving away a $10 Jamba Juice gift card.  Keep reading for how to earn up to 4 entries!

I was thinking the other day about my summers as a kid and how my brother and I would go to the library and check out literally stacks and stacks of books.  I am so thankful for the hours I spent reading as a child and teenager, because it gave me a love of the written word and showed me the power of a story well told.

 

Today I am sharing my summer reading list and would love for you to share what is on yours? If you will share what book(s) you are planning to read this summer you will earn one entry for our Jamba Juice drawing!

I like to be reading several books at once!  Anyone else?  Or do you always finish one book before starting another?  I pick books in a variety of categories (how do you pick which book(s) you are reading?)…

                                          Category #1 – A book that speaks to my specific season of life. bittersweet

For this I just finished the book Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist.  It was my second time reading it, and I found it even more powerful than the first read, because she writes about a season in life where she moved to a different city and also experienced a miscarriage.

        Category #2 – A book that prepares me for a future season.  Parenting Isn’t for Cowards by Dr. James Dobson.P1040048

 

                                   Category #3 – A children’s book.  Re-reading  Prince Caspian by C.S. LewisP1040049

Category #4 – A fun light hearted novel that feels like watching your favorite romantic comedy, easy to read, lovable characters, somewhat predictable plot, and a happy ending.   I am not sure yet, any ideas????

                                 Category #5 – Spiritual Development  Bread and Wine by Shauna Neiquist

breadandwineshaunaniequist

As I mentioned earlier you have up to 4 chances to win this Jamba Juice gift card!

  1.  Leave a comment below with what book(s) you are hoping to read this summer.
  2. Re-Tweet this blog post, and then leave a comment telling me that you “tweeted.”
  3. Share this blog post on facebook and then leave a comment telling me that you “shared” on facebook.
  4. If you haven’t already, sign up to receive my blog posts via email and then leave a comment with the word “email” indicating you have done so.

Happy Reading!  Happy Summer!

 

Trash to Treasure Tuesday

A warning to my male readers.  This post has words like, hormones, fertility and pregnancy all through it.  If reading those three words makes your hands clammy, just don’t read this post.  It may not make much sense to you anyways….now you’re going to read it right…to prove to me that you aren’t scared of those kinds of words…ok…go ahead…don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Those words, “Not Pregnant,” how I have come to hate seeing those two little words taunting me across the over 99% accurate digital pregnancy test screen.   I love technology…  When it’s on my side… when I skyped my old roommate to help pick her engagement picture outfits, when I received a text from a friend living on the other side of the world, those moments make me thankful for technology and how quickly and how accurately we can have data, and answers and connection.  But words “not pregnant” with over 99% accuracy make me long for a little less knowledge, if only to have a few more moments to flirt with the hope of pregnancy.

blank plannerTwo weeks ago my husband and I saw those two words flash on the screen as we heard a knock at the door.  It was the UPS man delivering my planner.. … And I laughed and almost screamed at the irony of it.  A planner delivered, fresh with open boxes and blank dates staring at me longing for me to feel them in with to-do lists and special events.  I love planners, and I had been anxiously awaiting the arrival of this one, because I had bought it specifically for blog planning.

I had dreamed of a long afternoon with pencils, pen and highlighters in tow to plan every glorious post and detail until next December and couldn’t wait to let those blank dates have it!  Instead I just cried, and my husband held me.

I numbly opened the planner, and wanted to throw it against the wall.  And then rip every little blank date page into shreds and then put the shreds in my blender until all that remained was a mushy stew of paper.  Then I would look on pinterest for some genius craft project that can be created with shredded and blended paper, because even if all I could create out of paper mush is a sculpture of a flea it seemed like a better use of the planner…then to actually plan…

Because the plan was to get pregnant during our first year of marriage….The plan WASN’T to have two miscarriages in the first year of marriage.   The Plan after extensive testing was to spend a month on two prescriptions to regulate my cycle and give my body the progesterone it lacked in my two pregnancies.  The plan wasn’t to go through another month of taking 2 different drugs, whose side effects range from nights of restless sleep, mornings where I wake up feeling like I got hit by a truck, random bouts of nausea, accompanied by hot flashes and a general feeling that an alien force has taken control of my body and brain and I am only a pawn in the hands of an evil emperor plotting the ruin of my life through renegade hormonal surges.

Not to mention the everyday feeling I get that I am a science experiment only existing to complete the daily fertility drill of:  temperature in the morning, peeing in a cup in the afternoon, and medication at night.  I am beginning to understand why they say if you are trying to have babies and aren’t having babies you should stop trying to have babies, because the stress and pressure and deadlines can actually put so much strain on your body you don’t do what you were made to do.

But we have to try, I have to keep track and I have to take the medication.  I lost two babies and the only thing they could determine after a month of testing and declaring me perfectly normal and healthy, was that I need progesterone early in my pregnancy.  And by early they mean, before the over 99% accurate pregnancy test can detect pregnancy.  We also trust our OBGYN implicitly, and after being a patient under two OBGYN’s I did not trust, I will stand on my head for a week while doing the macarana if she tells me too.

We are trusting her and we are trusting God to work through her knowledge and experience and the incredible compassion and vigilant care she has given me. It’s not that the tracking and testing and side effects are even close to the level of horrible so many people face every day because of various illness and disease.  I know that the choice is so easy…go through another month of annoying tracking and side effects with the hope for a healthy pregnancy.   There is no option in our mind.  It is worth every moment of the longest moments of my life.  But I have to be honest that it seems overwhelming, that it makes me mad, and it makes me want to throw planners into blenders because I realize more and more everyday, I am not in control.  I can’t make this happen.  I have a part to play.  But at the end of the day God is the Creator and giver of life and I am not. P1040010

So on my “fill in every blank” in the planner day.  It sat empty and untouched on my kitchen counter.  I looked at it with blurry tears and couldn’t face it.  Couldn’t face writing in a plan that may or may not happen.  Didn’t want to write in important dates, when the one date I wanted to write more than any…a due date…I didn’t have. So instead I painted…I painted this mirror.  Because it is ugly and dark and not cute.  And my life felt so much like that, that day…..ugly, dark…and for what its worth…. not cute.

So I made this mirror better.  It took about 3 coats, to turn the dark into light.  (Anyone else Annie Sloan Chalk Paint fans?  This is her  “Old White”  The great thing about Annie’s paint is that you don’t have to sand or prime, EVER!)

 Then I had to add another coat because of a failed attempt to distress it…the only distressing that actually took place was the look on my face when I realized that my attempt to “antique” looked like I had rubbed mud all over the frame and it stuck.P1040019 So onto a fourth coat.  And a clear wax.  P1040044

And I have to say it looks much better.  Cleaner, fresher, ready for all our guests to apply their makeup and check out their cute selfs when they stay in our guest room.

 I feel a bit like my mirror after the first coat.   I feel fresher, newer more hopeful than after our second miscarriage.  But there are places of ugly and dark and not cute in my heart  that haven’t been refinished yet. I need a second, third maybe even a fourth coat of renewal and refreshing of hope. 

Proverbs 13:12  says,  “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

I realized I was hoping in a pregnancy test, I was hoping in a word “pregnant” instead of in the One who brings pregnancy, and so my heart was sick.

But Isaiah 49:23 says,   “Then you will know that I am the Lord; those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

When the word didn’t appear, I was left to see there is more refinishing to be done…inside me…. Refinishing doubt into trust. Refinishing accusation into awe over His Holiness. Refinishing plans into  grace…grace to receive a second, third and only if absolutely necessary a fourth coat. I am not refinished.  I am part done, with part undone.  I am human, I am dust and some days it seems a huge accomplishment just to say “ Ok…I’ll keep trying.” Today I can only put one item on my “To Do” list.  The item is called “Keep Trying. ”  I will check that little box I draw beside all my “to-do’s.” (tell me I am not the only person who draws little boxes by to-do items, for the joy of checking it off?)

Its enough to send my type A personality into hysteria to be able to check only one box for the day. But its ok… As I am undone, I am becoming re-done.

What about you?  How do you respond when life doesn’t go as planned?  Any other trash to treasure lovers out there?  What is your favorite piece you have given new life too?

How should a Christian respond to the DOMA rulings?

heartsWe all saw the onslaught of social media outlets explode as soon as the DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act)  was overthrown.  The comments on my social media feeds ranged from outrage, sadness to absolute delight…many declaring the ruling a victory for Love.

This left me wondering  a few things?  How I should respond to this recent ruling?  Does my belief that marriage should only be between a man and a women, mean that I don’t believe in love?   I was pretty sure that I believed in Love:  I believe in the importance of sending cheesy Hallmark cards and buying sweet surprise gifts for others.  I believe in bringing dinner to people who are sick or just had babies.   I give lots and lots of hugs and smiles to people around me, I intentionally listen to people and ask questions of people to show  my genuine care in others….and I am head over heals, butterflies in stomach with just  one glance, over the moon in love with the most handsome man in the world, Rene!

Then I realized it all depends on your definition of love.  What kind of love are we really talking about?

The best place to go when we are searching for answers to questions that can seem complex, overwhelming and punctured with political agendas and raw nerves is God’s Word.

 What is Love?   1 John 4:8  Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

So the question really becomes Who is Love?  God.

How can we experience true, authentic love that shapes and inhabits every fiber of our being?

1 John 4: 9-10  This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

When I talk to God about how to respond to rulings that favor same sex marriage He always tells me to love.   The only way I can express that love is through knowing God and His Son Jesus – by encountering and walking with Him throughout my everyday life.

I would welcome your comments below about how you feel like we can respond in love even when we don’t agree!!!!!!!

Here are a few of my thoughts:

Recognize the heart issue:  We have all been created with a longing and a need for intimacy, connection and community with God and one another, we are also made to be in covenantal relationship with God and for most in a marriage relationship.  This is a right and true need.

Yet, we live in a broken world.  People are hurting and people are not perfect (and I am talking about myself just as much as anyone!)  We are human and we are sinners and so people look to fill this need in a variety of ways that are destructive.  One of these destructive ways is through homosexual relationships.  It is not easy to write or say these words to people that are longing for an intimate covenantal relationship, because I understand that desire to be covenanted with another.  It is a Holy and deep desire and I honor it.  However, we must look to the giver of our desire and longings and ask Him how to rightly fulfill those.

(As I mentioned earlier, I believe that marriage should be between one man and one women.  I don’t feel that the specific purpose of this post is to go through every scripture explaining why I have this belief, but if you are interested in understanding more about the Biblical context of what I am saying this is an excellent article.  http://www.focusonthefamily.com/socialissues/social-issues/progay-revisionist-theology/talking-points.aspx)

red crossKeep the Main thing, the Main thing:  Jesus was tortured and ridiculed.  He endured the unspeakable shame of death on a cross, a death that was reserved for the worst criminals.  This happened to Him only a few days after being thrown a parade in His honor and being heralded a King.  Yet even in the midst of His unimaginable physical and emotional pain, Jesus looked around Him and found the one that needed His truth, and the one whose heart was soft to hear it. 

Luke 23: 39-43 

 One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!”

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence?  We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.”

 Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[d]”

 Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”

red thought bubblesYou are a person of influence, if you are a follower of Jesus than I encourage you to look around you.  Who has God put in your classroom, neighborhood, workplace, community, or  social media world that needs to know Jesus Christ?

We have to share about Him.  We have to be connected to Him DAILY to share about Him most effectively.  Only Jesus can change people’s hearts and set them free.  When we share about what it means to have a relationship with Jesus we provide the ONLY WAY people can have their deepest heart longings met.

Our Words:   Our words are powerful and can have a lasting impact beyond what we sometimes realize.  When we use words, tell jokes or watch you tube videos that degrade and mock other people’s lifestyles or beliefs or enter into arguments using vocabulary laced with hatred and disdain – we destroy our trust with that person and we are  NOT showing the love of God.

I love the example Paul gives us throughout the New Testament when He writes, often STRONG WORDS of correction to the new churches that he is shepherding.  Paul shares hard truth but he shares with words of complete affection. 

1 Corinthians 4:14:   I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children.

Galations 4:8-11, 19-20:   Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods.  But now that you know God—or rather are known by God—how is it that you are turning back to those weak and miserable forces[d]? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again? (….)My dear children, for whom I am again in the pains of childbirth until Christ is formed in you,  how I wish I could be with you now and change my tone, because I am perplexed about you!

Paul loves the church as a passionate yet gentle Father.  He believes so much in them and everything that God has for them that He declares He is “perplexed” – not bitter or angry – but overwhelmed with the care and concern He has for them to know the Truth.

I want to be like Paul – unashamed to speak truth, yet for my heart to be so in tune with the love of our Father God, that my concern is expressed as a desperately loving parent who wants only life for another.

Your Marriage or Future Marriage:  The way that you love and communicate with your spouse matters.  The commitment you keep in your heart to stay together even in hard times, even if you don’t “feel in love” anymore matters.  Letting unmarried people into your life and home to see what a marriage that is a reflection of Christ’s love for His bride matters.  It matters because divorce, abuse, addiction, absent parents, co-habitating couples, and the legalization of same sex marriage is leaving few homes where you can find healthy marriages.  Fight for your marriage to thrive, pray for your spouse, ask them how you can love them better (and do it), forgive quickly and ask forgiveness even more quickly.

man worshippingPray:  Your prayer matters.  We are all called to respond to the same sex marriage issue in different ways.  Some will run for office or tackle the legal aspects of the DOMA case, some will show the love of Jesus their classmate and some will develop an even healthier marriage that changes a childs and many children’s view on healthy marriage.  But if you are a follower of Jesus, you need to pray, regardless of the other roles you play (2 Chron 7:14)  Prayer is simply a partnership with God where we learn to hear His heart and then ask for it and often declare it.

If  you are interested  here are  few great posts about how to respond as Christians to the DOMA ruling.

http://www.russellmoore.com/2013/06/26/how-should-same-sex-marriage-change-the-churchs-witness/

http://fiercemarriage.com/christian-response-same-sex-marriage

I welcome your comments below as we navigate through a tender issue.  As always, I ask that although this topic can bring up very strong opinions and emotions to please leave comments that are respectful and kind.  Any comments that are not, will not be posted.

What to do???? When your CAT is TWO!!!!!!!!

Its time for my latest…Confession of a Kitty Step Mom….

Jaxon: "I laugh at your attempts to destroy me with mere water!"

Jaxon: “I laugh at your attempts to destroy me with mere water!”

Our two Bengal cats are going through the most obnoxious terrible two’s!  And I am afraid they might be in that stage permanently.  At least Sparta is semi scared of the water bottle.    So when she sees me pull it out she will normally run away and hide.  Jaxon who is the most un-cat like cat, of all the cats I have ever met, actually seems to enjoy when I directly spray his face with water.  Somedays, this is what I do…. ALL DAY….

I am working in the kitchen, making dinner, washing dishes,  cleaning ect…

Jaxon sneaks in the kitchen (he is  NOT ALLOWED in the kitchen or on the counters…because I think its gross to have animal hair near your food!) I get out the spray bottle and spray him, he shakes his head around in it for a few seconds…apparently enjoying the refreshment I have provided, leaves the kitchen, licks his skin and then sneaks back into the kitchen.

Now I realize that unloading the dishwasher is a fascinating feat , but really why does he feel the need to tromp into the kitchen and stick his face in the dishwasher?  Its like he is hoping I will turn it on so he can get a larger spray of water than my water bottle provides!

And, why is he obsessed with trying to sneak into the bathroom and to hop in the bathtub?  I am faced with the quandary of either inhaling a large dose of toxic fumes because I have to keep the bathroom door shut or keep the door open and play kitty bouncer to police the entrance of the tub while I scrub the toilet.

"What! You found my hair and paw prints in the kitchen?!!! But I would never go in there without first asking your permission, oh most gracious Kitty Step Mom!"

“What! You found my hair and paw prints in the kitchen?!!! But I would never go in there without first asking your permission, oh most gracious Kitty Step Mom!”

As a full time housewife and blogger, I work from home and deal with a constant soundtrack of kitty whines.  Kitty whines to go outside, kitty whines to eat and kitty whines that begin about 5 p.m. and do not end until their “Dad” walks through the door.  Some days I “create” an errand to run, so I can leave the house…  Because I can’t make the 24/7 Meow Meow Mix commercial  stop!

I have googled, “how to discipline cats” and “how to train cats” about a million times.  Do you know what most sites recommend? ????….. water bottles… that’s right…. Jaxon’s favorite activity is supposed to be a form of punishment for cats!

So I ask you, Oh wise blog readers for…. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!  How would you “train” my cats?  Any cat lovers out there with some great advice?  Or other pet owners with some nifty tricks?

YOU are the answer!

This is NOT a Fatherless Generation – Part 5

If you missed the first 4 Parts of this series, you can find them here:  http://claritywithcharity.com/?cat=8

cattle hillsProviding for Physical Needs:. There are so many opportunities to give financially.  God owns the cattle on the thousand hills (Ps 50:10), and God has entrusted us with the cattle (you didn’t know you were a rancher did you?)  Are we giving Him full access to what we have been entrusted with: our house, time, money and revelation of Him? Seldom does God tell us in His Word to test Him, but He does in this area:

Malachi 3:9-10 “In tithes and offerings. You are under a curse—your whole nation—because you are robbing me.  Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Who is in the house of God?…the orphan and the widow…and if we are not giving financially to help them, we will miss the blessing of God.

I like money…don’t we all =)  I have friends that catch whiff of a need and have already written the check.  I am not that way. I wish I was, and I have been really challenged by friends who live life so generously. Giving is a spiritual discipline for me.  I feel like God has challenged me consistently to give even when it “hurts.” We have already budgeted our tithes and offerings so what “hurts” is for me to give from my monthly “fun money.”   Fun money is what I can spend on anything. Its not that God doesn’t want me to spend money on things that are “fun” but He wants to make sure that every dime I have is submitted to Him.  Usually, I obey and give some of it away.  It always amazes me how He still provides me with even “fun” things once I have surrendered my cash to Him.  Usually a day or so after I give my money away, we will find out my husband got a bonus or that shirt I was eyeing at Target went on 70% off clearance.  He doesn’t have too, but God is proving Himself to me.

Dad walking with daughterSpiritual Parenting:  Don’t let age or experience stop you from investing in someone else.  You don’t have to have all the answers or a seminary degree to speak the truth of Christ into someone’s life. If you are a follower of Jesus, then you have the Holy Spirit inside of you who can give you wisdom and insight as you invest in another person!

We have such an awesome example in Jesus who discipled 12 unlikely men by allowing them into His life and ministry.  Jesus believed in scraggly fishermen and even Peter who denied him 3 times.   Regardless of how He was treated, Jesus saw and called out the gold that He knew was hidden beneath rough exteriors of his disciples.  As spiritual parents we need to do the same.  Look for talents or character traits to encourage them about.  Show an interest in their life by asking questions about their day and what they enjoy doing.  Listen to their hearts and ask open ended questions to encourage this person that they have a safe place to share their hearts.

No matter what they say, let them know they are loved and you believe in them, even if you don’t agree with their decisions.  Children, young adults and even adults are longing for direction and truth.  You can also share wisdom and counsel that God has given you.  Sometimes (just like a biological parent experiences) it can be frustrating to be a spiritual parent.  Your “kids” don’t always listen to you, even when you are right.  Sometimes you may feel like you are having the same conversations over and over again.  That’s why its essential for you to stay tapped into your personal relationship with Father God.  As you continuously experience His kindness, patience and compassion towards you it becomes easier to extend the same grace to those you are “parenting.”

If you feel as though you need a heart revelation about the Father heart of God, I urge you to take time to be in His presence and read His Word.   I outlined some practical steps to get you started.   Here they are:  http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=204

Foster Care and Adoption:  I think with the statistics in our nation alone, not to mention internationally, married couples should prayerfully consider foster care and adoption.  I know foster parents, and those who have/are adopting and I want to acknowledge and thank them for their lifelong commitment to care for the orphan. You may not feel called to personally foster or adopt.  However, I would encourage you to consider financially supporting a believer who is trying to fund an adoption or help them raise money.  I want to give a shout out to a friend of mine who is doing that right now!  She sells the most delicious cupcakes in the world!  Her name is Christie and this month she is donating all her proceeds to a couple in her church who is adopting a girl from Africa.  If you live in College Station, TX and would like some of these amazing cupcakes please email showmethecupcakes@gmail.com  or check out her website at www.cupcakesbychristie.com

Sponsor a Child:  I have sponsored a child through Compassion, http://www.compassion.com, since I was a Sophomore in college.  That means this girl is now almost ready for college, WOW! That makes me feel really old =)  It costs me only $42 a month to provide this sweet girl with food, basic healthcare needs, education and the chance to learn about Jesus.  Really what is $42 a month?…. a few lattes and a new shirt.  Its nothing to most of us but its everything to her!

How is God calling you to love the Orphan?  Who in your life has seen and called out the gold in you?

A laugh for your Friday!

Its Friday…and in case you had an intense week, and need some inspiration for a fun weekend..here is some great advice from the one and only…Kid President:

http://youtu.be/PGUkWUjPxT8

Also if you missed my FIRST GUEST POST, check it out here:  http://www.amanworthwritingfor.com/

What are you doing this weekend?  We are planning to paint our guest bathroom, and go to the beach!  Woohooo for summer!!!!!  Are you a Kid President fan like me?  What is your favorite video of his? (Mine is probably his tribute to Moms)  Have an incredible weekend friends, I am praying for you!

How I knew he was the ONE!!!!!!

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How I knew He was the One!

This article was originally posted at:  http://www.amanworthwritingfor.com/

We were about to have a  “define the relationship (DTR)” talk.  The air smells different; the scenery blurs and turns slower in those moments.  That night the air smelled like chlorine and a sweaty college football team.  The scene moving slowly around me was a football team having a swim. We sat on the pool patio playing Gin Rummy at the hotel he was staying at while visiting me. In the middle of the game he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said “yes.”  Both being competitive, we finished the game.  I still maintain that I would have won if I hadn’t been stopped in the middle of it to “talk.”  How could I concentrate on a card game after becoming someone’s girlfriend!!!!!???

The beginning of a relationship is exciting and sometimes scary because after the “DTR” comes a bigger question:  Is he the one?

God used so many aspects of our dating relationship to help me discover YES!  Rene was my husband.

Rene showed me that He was a Godly leader by initiating conversations about his intentions and our purity.

Intentions:  He told me his intention was to honor and respect me because I was a daughter of God.  He said we were dating with the intention of discovering if we should enter a covenant marriage.  I felt so honored and valuable.  He wasn’t just dating me because I was pretty, fun or filling a void but because he had a clear purpose for our dating relationship.

Physical Boundaries:  We both shared what God had been speaking to us about purity.  We to wait to kiss until we were engaged.   To make the murky waters of physical boundaries clear, we showed each other physical affection through holding hands and side hugging.

We were also vulnerable with Christian friends (same gender) about how we were doing with these boundaries.  Ultimately, physical purity is a matter that begins with our hearts.  

 1 Samuel 16:7  The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

* These boundary lines may not be the same for every person, and ultimately God knows our heart motivation!  If our hearts are committed to purity than our outward expression should fall in line with the goal of honoring God with our bodies, not the goal of how much can I do without having sex?

Fighting together for purity showed me that Rene was serious about obeying God even when it was hard.  There has been such good fruit in our marriage because of our commitment to purity!  And wow!  that first kiss was worth waiting for!

We had the same vision and values for our life.  We discovered this through conversation and intentionally experiencing life together by:

Playing! We played cards, bocce ball, played at the beach and painted walls.  We learned more about each other through these activities then if we had gone to dinner and a movie.

Reading!  We read through “For Women Only” and “For Men Only” by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn. I read “For Men Only” and Rene read “For Women Only” first, and highlighted important points.  Then we swapped books and discussed.  This gave a non threatening way to talk about our needs in a relationship. *Wait to read the chapter about sex,  until you are close to your wedding date.

Entering In.   Rene and I lived five hours apart during our relationship.  We did not attend  the same church, have similar friends or careers.  Even if you are from the same city there are always things to discover about a person’s background and everyday world.

We understood more of each other as we met each other’s family’s , went to each other’s church’s and talked about our hopes for the future.

Our family, close Christian friends and pastors were supportive of us getting married.

I remember my Aunt telling me Rene could use her engagement ring to propose so he didn’t have to wait and buy one.  It brought joy and peace to our hearts to hear from the people who knew us best, that they could see how God had designed us to be together.  It is important to hear the feedback from those that know and love you the most about who you are dating.

We both sought the Lord about our relationship and He gave us peace about marriage.

God is our Father and Creator and knows us intricately and completely.  Dialoguing with God daily while dating and seeking the truth about what a covenant marriage in the Bible looks like, gave me peace and clarity that this was the man I should covenant my life with.

I would love to hear your thoughts?  What qualities are the most important to you in your future spouse? What are questions you want answered before getting married? 

 

 

Who is the Orphan?

This is “NOT” a Fatherless Generation – Part 4

child's drawing of faceAs I mentioned in Part 1 http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=186, it is not enough to have our own personal heart revelation of the Father heart of God without a practical outpouring.  It is so awesome when we have this revelation and I believe God has it for every person!  However, as we journey through our revelation it MUST change the way we interact with a lost and fatherless generation.

You are their Daddy! Or Momma!  Are you 15, 22, 30, 35, 67?…Congratulations!  with the revelation you have of the Father heart of God you now have the authority, position and EVERYTHING that you need to be a Spiritual Father or Mother.  (Whether you have changed a dirty diaper or not!)  We have a Biblical mandate of God to look after the orphan.

James 1:27  “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress.”

 This may be:

–   literal orphan: someone whose parents aren’t alive

–    spiritual orphan: someone who doesn’t know the security and love of God their Father

–    emotional orphan:  someone whose parent(s) are emotionally absent from their life.

father holding daughter's handThis Biblical mandate is given because God knows the tragedy that happens when a nation grows up primarily Fatherless. According to the National Fatherhood Initiative (fatherhood.org)  “one out of three” children “live in biological father-absent homes,” in America. They also list various effects of living without a father including:

1.       “Almost four times more likely to be poor.”

2.        “Children born to single mothers show higher levels of aggressive behavior than children born to married mothers.”

3.       “youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families.

4.       “Being raised by a single mother raises the risk of teen pregnancy.

5.       “Mothers who were married to fathers were at lower risk for maternal physical child abuse.”

6.       “there is significantly more drug use among children who do not live with their mother and father.”

(See more at: http://www.fatherhood.org/media/consequences-of-father-absence-statistics#sthash.75vJSEge.dpuf)

Look around you: your extended family, workplace, school, church, and community.  I am confident most of us can see the face of at least one individual who needs the influence of a Godly parent in their life!

We may not be able to bring back 1/3 of our nation’s Fathers either from the dead, delinquency, or prison but we can tell the fatherless that they are not alone or forgotten.  We can show them through our lives, that when you know God as Father that you can walk in freedom and wholeness, no matter what you have experienced in your life!  It is up to us, the body of Christ, to be the practical expression of the Father’s heart to care for the orphan.

Next post, we will look at some ways you can care for the orphan…..In the meantime I would love to know….Is God highlighting someone for you to be a Father or Mother too?  How you can be a Father or Mother to someone who is not your  biological child?

Finding Intimacy with the Father

Part 3 – This is NOT a Fatherless generation!

Hello Friends!  I hope you had a great Father’s Day weekend,  and were able to spend some time reflecting on God being our perfect Father.  If you missed the first two posts on why “This is NOT a Fatherless generation.”  Here they are:  Part 1  http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=186 and Part 2  http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=195

I promised you on Friday that in the next post I would have some “heartwork” for you.  This heartwork is very similar to the journey God led me through to discover his Father heart for me!  Going through these steps absolutely revolutionized my life.  I would really encourage you to do it.  God is so eager to meet you as Father!  I am praying for you!

Here is a song to stir your heart!  Abba Father

 

P1030873Grab a pen and your journal got to your favorite cozy nook at the local coffee shop, or your backporch ect….somewhere you can think clearly and not be distracted.  Write down the following questions and your answers.

  1. 1. Think about your earthly father.  What is he like?
  3. 2. Think about God, what do you think that he is like?  (If you have grown up in church and Sunday School it may be very easy to write down the “right” answers, what you have been told God is like)  But I want you to focus on being COMPLETELY HONEST about who you think God is.  There was a time in my life that I saw God as being a harsh taskmaster, just waiting to get me in trouble.  I had to be honest about this view of God before I could receive the truth of who He really is.

3.  Look at your lists.  What are the similar qualities between the lists and what are the differences?  Do you feel like your view of who God is has been shaped at all by your perception of who your earthly father is?

*I would just like to note here, as mentioned above that this exercise is not meant to expose your earthly father’s shortfalls for the sake of condemning him.  Instead it is meant to show that your view of who God is as Father may have been shaped largely by your earthly father who is human and imperfect.  I have never met anyone whose earthly father gave them a perfect representation of who God the Father is, because their earthly father is earthly and human.

4.  Read these passages: Romans 8:12-17,  Ephesians 1:1-14, Hebrews 12:5-11, Matthew 7:9-11,  Zephaniah 3:17, Isaiah 43:4, Isaiah 49:13-16

How do these verses describe God as our Father?IMG_2575

5.  Ask God  to tell you who He is as a Father.  (If you hear something that goes against the  Bible or something that brings shame or condemnation, that’s not God ), ask Him again and keep listening!  He loves to tell us who He is as a Father.  If you are having a hard time hearing anything, that’s ok, hearing God’s voice takes time and practice (just as we quickly recognize our best friends voice on the phone, so we will more quickly recognize God’s voice to us as we spend time talking with Him and listening for it.)

 6.   Does your list from question #2 match what you read in scripture about who God is as Father and who He told you He was as a Father?

7.  As you compare the lists you have made between who scripture says God the Father is, and how you described your earthly Father, what feelings come up in you?  Are you thankful for the earthly father you have? (tell him soon!)  or are you angry at your earthly father for the ways you feel he failed you?  Are you sad because you never knew your father or hardly at all and feel that you are fatherless?  All of these emotions are completely normal and expected after going through this exercise.

shaking hands8.  Forgive!  This is a great time to stop and think of the things you need to forgive your earthly father for.  This may be for intentional evil that was committed against you by your father or it may be for things that he had no idea ever hurt you.  Either way you must forgive your earthly father.  If you don’t your sadness and anger will turn into bitterness and will prevent you from fully knowing God as your Father.   It can be hard to forgive someone that has hurt you deeply, but forgiveness is a choice.   Sometimes when someone has hurt us very deeply we have to forgive them again and again whenever the memory comes up.   Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we think a person’s choice or action was right, but we  are admitting that we are not the judge, God is.  (Matthew 18:21-22) . We are acknowledging that Christ died for us, when we were sinners and deserved to die.

9.  Look at your list again from step #4 what characteristics of God the Father do you need the most in your life right now?  Write a prayer to Him that expresses your need to know Him as a Father in these areas.

10.  Be looking for Him to show up as your Father in those ways over the next week, month and year.  Read the scriptures in Step #4 a few more times over the next week, this will help the truth of who God is as Father soak deep into your heart.

I pray this time with God and His Word is a powerful time for you.  I would love to hear your reflections on how the above exercise went in your comments below!

Tomorrow we will look at how the personal revelation of God as Father changes the way that we interact with the world.

 

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