Yesterday we discussed how a the analogy of a stoplight can give helpful guidelines for who to date and who not to date. Read more for insight on how to know if a guy is in the Red Light Zone
Yellow Light Guys:
A guy in the yellow light zone is a man free from some of the obvious signs of danger. He is probably articulate, intelligent, handsome and has a job. He may even be a leader in the community and in your church.
The guys in the “Yellow Light” zone can be the most perplexing.
Are they, or are they not Mr. Right?
Sometimes only time can help you uncover this mystery.
I am not an advocate of just dating to date. What I mean by that is dating because you are bored, lonely or because everyone else is doing it. I think that is a wreckless way to fill a Friday night.
However, I think it is good and often necessary to go out on a few dates with a guy to determine if he could potentially be long term husband material.
1. Enjoy the Journey
I know I have put a lot of pressure on myself during first dates “to KNOW, if he is the ONE!” Word from the girl who spent several first dates with her now husband obsessing over this question – which eventually led to a six month breakup (another story for another time)….
Don’t obsess over this question, as tempting as it is to try to imagine your eternal future together. For one thing this takes all the fun out of those first often awkward yet always memorable first date moments – if you are imagining yourself chasing around a toddler with this man. Talk about killing the mood.
Instead of being so focused on the next step, focus on the step you’re on.
Believe me, when my husband and I dated for the second time around, and we both realized how silly it was to spend every date wondering if this was “IT!” we enjoyed dating a lot more. When I took the pressure off myself to figure everything out – we figured it out.
Just weeks into our second round of dating – I realized… as I sobbed hysterically pulling away in a van taking me to catch a plane to India for a missions trip… that I was in love with this man.
It had been so sweet, simple, and not complicated like I thought love was. It was God’s timing, it was His way, and I wasn’t trying to control things anymore in my mind. Instead of trying to control my emotions and stifling them in the process, I was filled with those heart racing, butterfly fluttering feelings I had longed for. And the glorious part was, he felt those things too.
Read more of my our journey that led us to covenant marriage: How I Knew He was the One
2. Involve trusted friends
You need to be wise in this stage too, aware that as your feelings grow it can be hard to open yourself up to the feedback of trusted friends and family. Its important to introduce your possible prince charming, to those closest to you, who may be able to see different aspects about his personality and character than you see. If you are getting the thumbs up, from close friends, family and most importantly the Lord, then the best may yet be to come, a man who will stand the test of time, the one you will call beloved.
Dating should be all about getting to know each other and uncovering if the two of you share a common vision for your life, along with values and beliefs that will unite you together in a covenant marriage. These questions don’t have to be delivered in a stuffy interview format but can be discovered over the course of natural conversation.
3 Questions everyone should know about their date before they make them their mate:
– What are they passionate about? What gets them out of bed in the morning? What are the most important priorities in their life? What is their calling for their life?
– What does having a relationship with Jesus mean to them? How do they connect with Jesus? Are they a part of a church body, what does that mean to them? How has Jesus changed their life?
– Who are the most important people in their life? Why are these people important? How have they shaped them? What are their friends like?
I love this quote: “Show me your friends and I will show you your future” John Kuebler
I am a huge fan of being around your date in a variety of environments. Seeing your date interact in their work, play, family, friend, and church environments can give you incredible insight into who this person is and if they are someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
5. Talk to Jesus
If Jesus Christ is your Savior and you have made Him the ruler of your life there is no one else more important to be talking to about your dating life. He loves you and made you for a covenant marriage (marriage until death with one person). He also made the person you are dating. When you talk with Jesus everyday He can give you insight into that person and how to best spend your time dating together. He also wants the absolute best for you and can give you wisdom to know if this is or isn’t Mr. Right. I recently did a series on Why I Spending Time with Jesus Everyday and Practical Ideas of how to Spend Time with Jesus, if you want to understand more of what I am talking about.
If these 5 areas are going well with your date than you may be on your way to getting the Green Light! We’ll talk more about that tomorrow!
Until then, I would love to hear the wisdom of my readers – married and single! If you are married, what were important questions for you to ask while dating, and what helped you know that you wanted to marry your spouse? If you are single, what are questions and experiences that are important for you to have as you go through the journey of dating?