What do you do if you are interested in a guy, and he acts interested in you but isn’t asking you out?
I can definitely relate to your dilemma. I found myself in that situation several times before I got married. I remember feeling so frustrated as my heart would get more and more involved with a guy but there was no initiation or clarification on their part.
Here are a few things I learned while waiting!
1. Guard your heart. God gives us this instruction in Proverbs 4:23:
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it”
He tells us this because He really loves us and wants the best for us! When I was majorly crushing on a guy, I found it nearly impossible not to imagine my life with him. I would start to wonder where our first date would be, what season we would get married in and where our wedding registry would be? Then I would watch reality wedding shows and dream about my dress. It was like I was pouring gasoline on a fire to try to put it out. I was exasperating the problem and certainly not guarding my heart. So when I was in these seasons of waiting and longing I learned to guard my heart by avoiding wedding tv shows, romantic movies, romantic songs and making 100 secret pinterest boards of wedding plans. When I would start imagining my life with that person, I would stop myself and try to focus on something worthwhile, like praying for other people. This way I used all my mental energy towards something constructive, talking with Jesus!
2. Reality Check. I cringe as I write these words, but it is important to realize, he may not actually like you or ever ask you out. Ouch, burn, sting, stab..I’m sorry I really hate to be the one to say this. But you can’t assume that just because he acts interested he actually is! I know that as a woman it is easy to think that we understand the non – verbals men send us, but sometimes we don’t. As I have dialogued with various godly guys about the subject, their response has been unanimous:
Sometimes guys have no idea the vibe they are putting out there and some guys just like getting attention from girls and do not have the intention of asking them out. I think it is best to base your understanding of a situation only on what you have actually been told from the mouth of “your crush”. Has he said?: “I would like to date you?” If not, then don’t think he wants to date you. Has he said?: “I would like to intentionally pursue you?” If not, then the truth is you have no reason to assume that he wants to pursue you.
3. A watched pot never boils. We have all heard this cooking expression, but I didn’t realize how applicable it was to waiting for a crush to ask you out, until an older woman in my church shared it with me one day. I had just gotten done with a long, lengthy and winded (she was such a patient listener!) about everything I felt and wondered about this guy, and my absolute frustration that he had not asked me out, because it was clear to me and all my friends that he had a crush on me too. I finished my winded monologue with a gut wrenching “what should I do???????!!!!!!” and she simply responded with such peace and profound wisdom:
“Well, Charity, a watched pot never boils.”
I was stunned by her short response to what seemed like to me a complicated problem, but having such respect for her I mulled it over for a week. I finally realized what she meant, that my emotional energy and time I was investing in waiting and wondering when this guy would ask me out, was not only a waste of time but would not help speed up the time for him to ask me out.
From that day I really tried to turn my attention to other things. Praise God, that crush never asked me out, because shortly thereafter my future husband did! Turns out I was watching a pot that was never going to boil.
4. Confront (in Love!) This may or may not be the right thing for your situation, but I would suggest considering it and then running it by someone who is wise and more familiar with your situation.
You may need to talk with this guy about how his behavior is making you feel. Its always good to approach this conversation with humility and not to accuse or assume that you know exactly what he is thinking or intending. This conversation may start something like this:
“ Hey, Joe Bob, when you _________ (call me and we talk for two hours, tell me I am the most beautiful woman in the world ect….) it makes me feel ______ (like that you are interested in me, like you are leading me on). I am not saying that this is your intention at all, I just wanted you to know how that is coming across, so we can talk about it.”
This conversation is not meant to be used as manipulation, with the hope that you will get a date from it! Rather to let a guy know how his actions or words are being interpreted.
I hope this helps! Do you have a question that you would like answered in the “Dear Charity” section of the blog? Please email it to firstname.lastname@example.org Please include if I have your consent to post your question on the blog. Also please include how you would like your question to be signed. (i.e. Anonymous, Your Name, Searching in Seattle ect…)
Readers, its your turn to give a little clarity! Have you ever been in a similar situation? What would your advice to our reader be?