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Clarity With Charity

Motivation for Mommyhood, Marriage and the Mudane

Are you Superwoman?

June 5, 2013

handshake, race, helping handsThe last 2 weeks, we have looked at the concept of Sabbath, Biblically, and then practically how to implement it into our lives. If you missed the last two posts here they are: Part 1, http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=20 and Part 2, http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=77

Today we continue our series on Sabbath by looking at a specific portion of Anna’s question. You can find her original question here: http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=20

I am so thankful for her vulnerability when she shared, “It’s easy to feel like I’ve failed everyone by the time I’ve laid my head to rest at night.”

I think a lot of women fall asleep at night feeling this way, whether they are Moms, professionals, wives, church leaders, volunteer workers ect…I know that I used to fall asleep at night feeling like I had failed someone during the day.

coffee, empty coffee cup, shot, espresso, baristaBefore I was a blogger, I worked in “helping professions” – these are professions such as teaching, advising, nursing, physical therapists, counselors, social workers, human resource workers, managers, full time ministry workers, even baristas! (believe me I spent a summer pulling shots and often my hair because of the problems people would share with me while I made their triple foam, extra shot, light on whip, mocha frappe thing).

Even if you are not in one of these professions, you may still go to bed at night feeling inadequate because of your personality and how you naturally interact with people around you. You may be an “intuitive feeler,” find out by taking a free Meyers Briggs test here: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp I am an ENFJ, sometimes I test ENFP What are you?

You also probably have the spiritual gift of mercy. Find out if you do here: http://www.spiritualgiftstest.com/index.html

My top three were Faith, Mercy and Pastor. What were yours?

Often I resented having the spiritual gift of mercy because by 5 p.m. I felt like:

I just lost my job, my dog had died, I had been diagnosed with an incurable disease and would soon fail out of college and spend 20 years flipping burgers. This was because I had just heard those problems from friends, co-workers, students, oh… and the person in the grocery store line that told me their life story. This can be difficult for me because of my mercy gifting. Having a gift of mercy means that when someone tells me about their struggles I can feel their pain…

I am not just hearing the story of you being in a sinking ship without a lifejacket and rowing with one oar, I am in the boat with you, using my hand to paddle while the icy rains beats at my cheek. If you relate to this feeling of experiencing the stress of others so deeply that it actually affects you mentally and physically then you MUST ask yourself one very important question:

superwoman, superman, hero, superhero DO I THINK I AM SUPERWOMEN or SUPERMAN?

Get over your Superwomen Complex. You may or may not have this, but I would like to suggest that you could be suffering from a savior mentality. I know I was for years. I realized that I could make every practical preparation in the world for a Sabbath but until I worked through my Superwomen complex I would never be able to mentally rest on my Sabbath.

Let me describe to you what I mean by a Superman complex: You think you HAVE to rescue and save people from their problems and ultimately their sin. You believe deep down that if you don’t text them back right away, have coffee with them, pray for them that something horrible will happen to them. They will not follow Jesus, they will fall into a lifetime of drugs, or think that you don’t care! And this thought process haunts you everyday, because you feel like you are letting people down and you can never spend enough time with the hurting, you can never give enough good advice to the searching and you don’t have enough love to heal the broken…that’s why I spent so many years feeling exhausted and so not enough…until one day I realized

I WAS RIGHT!!!!!

I couldn’t spend enough time with the hurting

I couldn’t give enough good advice to the searching

I couldn’t meet everyone’s expectations.

I would disappoint people.

I don’t have enough love to heal the broken

I WAS NOT ENOUGH TO SAVE ANYONE! BECAUSE I CAN’T SAVE ANYONE! ONLY JESUS CAN SAVE PEOPLE.

This was a major revelation to me. I was human, Jesus was not! I had limitations of time, space and energy, Jesus did not! I am not perfect, Jesus is! I don’t always know what to do or say, Jesus does!

WHAT A RELIEF!

scale, diet, exercise, weight loss, overweight I lost about 100 pounds of emotional weight that day…..Talk about a great diet!

Maybe you need to go on the Superwoman diet too and lose some emotional weight, in the next post, I am going to share with you how I got over my Superwoman complex.

Can you relate to the above, how? What was your personality type and spiritual gifts? Do you think your God given make-up could contribute to having a superwoman complex?

6 Comments CATEGORIES // Sabbath

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Comments

  1. Jenna says

    June 5, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    Wow! I can SO relate!!! I have a mercy/empathy gift as well and do have a hard time not carrying others burdens! Thanks for the reminder- I am not superwoman- awe what a relief!

    Reply
    • Charity says

      June 5, 2013 at 11:10 AM

      Yes, I can definitely see that gifting in you! It’s so awesome to know that Jesus is strong enough for everything!

      Reply
  2. Stephanie Garber says

    June 5, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    Great post, Charity!

    I’m an INFJ, and since I’ve also worked in a lot of helping professions (as you already know), I can totally relate.

    When I was a RD I constantly felt as if I wasn’t doing enough. My first year on the job I got average reviews from my residents, so I was determined that the next year I would do everything I could to make up for it!

    I went out of my way to connect with every student in my building and by the middle of the year, my students loved me, but I was totally burnt out. God also showed me that since I was being a savior for all my students it didn’t leave any room for him. That was a rough lesson to learn, but it was great wake-up call. Just like this post!

    Reply
  3. Christie says

    June 5, 2013 at 12:34 PM

    Wow soo funny how at the end of the day u feel like the world is crashing & it’s not that anything really bad has happened but that u carry others lives as your responsibility. I have felt this way many times! I’m an ENFP & have always worked in helping professions. I feel like this is something I have to keep myself in check with. What a relief though! And such a healthy limitation we have (that we can’t b superwomen)

    Reply
    • Charity says

      June 5, 2013 at 12:49 PM

      I think that this feeling is fairly common amongst ENFP and ENFJ women that I have met. I don’t feel like this is as much an issue for Enfp or Enfj guys I have met. I think it is that NF trait, possibly heightened with our E..because we are drawn to work with an connect with people. And also being women…and our brains like spaghetti noodles are so intertwined that we find ourselves thinking about people’s problems all day long!

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Hello I’m Charity…and I’m a recovering Superwoman « Clarity With Charity says:
    October 30, 2013 at 9:48 PM

    […] Last week we talked about the importance of NOT being SUPERWOMAN (or Superman for our awesome guy readers out there).  If you are not sure if you have a “Superwoman Complex”  read here to find out more:   http://claritywithcharity.com/?p=128 […]

    Reply

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I'm Charity, Jesus Follower, Wife and Boy Momma to 3 boys. Welcome! I am so glad you are here.

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