Pregnancy

Nursery Sneak Peak

July 30, 2014

I have a confession to make….I am ~~slightly~~ completely obsessed with paint samples.

Picking the color for baby boy’s nursery was no exception…I not only used my own collection, but the samples from a few friends DIY projects.

That’s 13 paint samples!!!

I know…. I know…its ~~kind of~~ ridiculous….

Although not as ridiculous as being personally known by the paint lady at the Home Depot…”Back for more samples?” she smirks with a twinkle in her eye.

I secretly hope she thinks I am just a really fast painter and am already on to my next project…

But, I think she’s on to me….

Rene and I actually set the record for the largest amount of paint samples bought for one room, in our former town’s Home Depot… they should give you a coupon…or a punch card for that….buy 10 samples….get the 11th free!

I had finally narrowed it down to these four samples:

And I chose the one on the far left.

Than I went to the paint store – realized the sample card looked like a tan color…was nervous because my final selection was from a paint sample several years old, and I was afraid time had corrupted the color. The thought of buying another paint sample was going to send me over the edge...so I did what every paint sample connoisseur knows to never do…I bought a whole gallon of paint, in a color un tested on my wall…oooopppsss

Don’t worry its – no VOC paint

I gave the room one coat…left for a few hours…came back…and I HATED IT!!!!!!!!!!

I thought I was painting a light blue/gray…but instead it looked like an icy pastel blue…and since we weren’t using Disney’s Frozen as a theme here I ~~was disappointed~~ had a complete meltdown…

I was like a momma bird who had lost all the sticks for her nest…

At church the next day…I found two friends with great DIY skills and even greater hearts. I gave them a hug, and silently pledged to not let go until they promised to come and tell me what color to paint baby boy’s room.

Noting the ~~slight~~ absolute look of pre-natal nesting hysteria in my eyes...they not only came and helped me pick another color but also helped me re-paint the entire room.

Ironically we chose a color that was in my final four

The winner is…. “Flint Smoke”….2nd from the left…however when I painted the sample on the tan wall it looked like Bright Teal (even brighter than it shows in this photo).

When I painted it on the newly painted wall, it gave a completely different dimension to the color which I absolutely loved!

Turns out I wasn’t a paint sample hoarding, hysterical Momma Bear after all. I just needed a new perspective to help me see that “Flint Smoke” was the perfect color.

My painting fiasco reminded me that sometimes when we are faced with a problem we just need a different perspective to help us find a solution.

I was thinking about all the times in life when a situation has seemed overwhelming, unjust, tragic, or impossible to my own human understanding, until I spent time with Jesus and I was able to understand His perspective and it changed everything!

I am reminded of Asaph’s words in Psalms 73. Asaph was a righteous man who served during King David’s reign as the head of all musicians.* He must have been a man familiar with singing praise to God and also humbly serving others in this role. I don’t know what was happening in Asaph’s life to make him write these words: Psalm 73:2&3

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,
my steps had nearly slipped.
For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.

Maybe he had experienced betrayal by a close friend or felt frustrated by the evil that he saw around him. I think many of us can relate to Asaph’s feeling of injustice…feeling like evil is winning over the good…and it can feel overwhelming like Asaph describes in Psalm 73:17:

But when I thought how to understand this,
it seemed to me a wearisome task,

When Asaph encounters the presence of God his perspective completely changes: Psalm 73: 17b-18

until I went into the sanctuary of God;
then I discerned their end.

Truly you set them in slippery places;
you make them fall to ruin.

Then he sets his heart on the safest and most secure place in the universe: the faithful and unchanging character of God’s goodness: Psalm 73: 25-26

Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

I also believe that God uses His people to help give us a needed perspective shift. If my friend hadn’t suggested re-trying the paint samples over the new color, I never would have found the perfect color! I thought we needed to go and get a completely new batch of paint samples. Fortunately her new perspective on my problem saved me from the humiliation of being “that indecisive preggie lady” visiting the Home Depot paint counter for the billionth time.

We are blessed with wisdom when we seek wise counsel!

What about you? What helps give you a perspective change? Anyone else out there a paint sample connoisseur? Have you ever painted an entire room and hated the color?

(*Reference: http://www.digdeeperdevotions.com/asaph.aspx)

Why Motherhood is: The Great Death

July 23, 2014

I had a meltdown on our babymoon.

A meltdown over puffy feet and swordfish.

It seemed like everywhere we went on our babymoon my husband, was getting a better deal…simply because he wasn’t pregnant. He raved about the medium rare steak he enjoyed at a new Orleans restaurant as one of the best he has ever tasted, while my meal was dry and uninteresting.

Then the next day, arriving in Florida, we went to a local restaurant known for their fresh seafood that came highly recommended by the bed and breakfast owners and it didn’t disappoint us my husband. My husband enjoyed one of the best seafood meals of his life and was able to choose from the three of fresh catches of the day. Three fish which are on the no-no list for preggie ladies because of their high mercury content.

I scanned the menu for other seafood options, there were none. Steak was out… because paying for a filet of well done steak to me is like paying Mc Donalds $30 for a Big Mac patty…the only option left was the breaded chicken…which tasted to me like an oversized chicken nugget.

Laughing over the discrepancies between our dining experiences, I went to bed dreaming of the beach.

The next morning I woke up with one thought, “how quickly can I get to the beach???!!!”

After breakfast we were packing our beach bag and Rene noticed that my feet – once delicate limbs – were now the size of an ogre and had swollen to resemble a puffed pastry. My ankles had also disappeared! Fortunately ankles aren’t a requirement for beach entrance so undeterred I kept loading up my beach stuff.

My husband, the rational, patient one in our marriage, put his beach towel down and started building a tower of pillows on the bed, for me to elevate my feet, turned on the fan and handed me a bottle of water.

“Babe, we have to reduce the swelling before we go out into the heat and humidity.”

~~Appreciating~~ Completely annoyed with his loving concern, I plopped myself on the bed elevating my feet and scowled at Rene like a five year old instructed to finish their peas before dessert. After 2 minutes I enthusiastically said, “hey! I think they look better!” “Babe I still can’t see your ankles,” Rene said.

Commence: my 2 year old tantrum about pregnancy which in between sobs sounded something like…

“Everything you have eaten this vacation has been delicious, while everything I have eaten has been gross and now we’re here only 20 minutes from some of the most beautiful beaches in the country and I can’t see them because I’m pregnant and my feet look like Shrek’s….and I’m just sick of being pregnant and I just want a break from being pregnant…but you don’t get a vacation from being pregnant and….

I’m just tired of my entire life revolving around this baby!!!!”

I silently continued my sulking, counting the ways pregnancy was ruining my life:

Everything is now about him: my eating schedule, my diet, and my sleeping schedule.

Everyone is obsessed with him: how big is he, when is he due, what’s his name, is he moving?

I find strangers and friends in conversation, making eye contact with my belly, not my face.

In the same 24 hour period: I had experienced nose bleeds, nasal congestion, headaches, back aches, stabbing hip pain, round ligament pain, forgetfulness , discovery of varicose veins and cottage cheese lump thighs, fatigue, grouchiness, and unexplainable tears during cat commercials (maybe the most obnoxious pregnancy symptom so far, I’m definitely not feeling like myself if a commercial about cat litter brings me to tears).

If I experienced all of those symptoms in 1 day normally I would think I was dying.

I remembered a conversation with 2 awesome Momma friends who love their children really well, and welcomed me into the Momma club with these words,

“Charity, what you are entering is the great death: Motherhood. It is a death to yourself, but if you will let it, your death will draw you closer to Jesus and ultimately bring you abundant life”

I began to have some breakthrough in the days that followed..

I was dying, but there were some things in me that needed to die before I could become the kind of Mother I always thought I would be: kind, patient, sacrificial…you know not the kind that gets mad at their helpless unborn infant for needing food without a high mercury content because it creates such a giant inconvenience in my vacation food plans.

Gag…..no that’s not preggo reflux….but me gagging at the sound of my own selfish self – my selfishness that complains about sacrificing a few petty and temporal comforts for the good of the child they have begged God for.

I think there’s a good reason God gives us 9 months of inconvenience, life altering stuff to prepare for our newborns and its because we need a revelation and deliverance from our own selfishness – before 2 a.m. feedings, early morning poop explosions and no more holidays or weekends.

We’re all selfish…I’m selfish…clearly…and we all have layers of selfishness we didn’t even realize were there until something as completely reality altering as growing another human reveals it to you.

Lately I have wondered if my hips are preparing to birth the largest baby ever made, or seeking revenge from years of going unnoticed and being stuffed into skinny jeans. They ~~ache~~ feel like they are being stabbed with a knife… all night long. Sleep over the past 2 months has been a tenuous dance between not needing to pee and finding the right combination of 10 pillows and muscle cream rubs, which can dull the pain for about an hour, allowing me to sleep for a whole 60 glorious uninterrupted minutes…before I get up and do the pregnancy night shuffle again: pee, rub on more sore muscle cream, rearrange 10 pillows too redistribute weight on opposite hip.

Its hard between 1 and 6:30 a.m. to remember – this is worth it – I am dying – but I am living more than ever before… I am sustaining and growing another life. As our sweet baby boy grows, may my selfishness die, so he and I can really live.

Ok Mommas and Dads! Have you ever felt like you were dying in parenthood? Why and how? Any preggo mommas with advice about alleviating hip pain while sleeping?

How does pain become bearable? Lessons from my birthing class and the grocery store.

June 25, 2014

How do you respond to pain? Do you silently muscle through it? Clenching your jaw and holding silent stress in every muscle in your body? Are you a screamer (like me) who feels compelled to verbally process every ounce of pain you are experiencing?

Some people seem to almost enjoy the process of pain…friends who train for tri-athletic events on Saturdays come to mind.

I don’t enjoy pain and I don’t look for it. I am careful to avoid pain. I do yoga, pilates and water aerobics. Throughout junior high and high school I avoided contact sports and participated in theater. I decided to be the team d.j. instead of a player on our church’s kickball team….yes I am terrified of a ball hitting my head and yes I am in my 30’s. I don’t like dogs that are big, bark, or jump on you and I have been known to cross to the other side of the street when I hear one barking.

Emotionally I try to avoid pain by keeping everyone happy…this works…. so well never. I am also more inclined to apologize for someone else’s mistake than call them out and watch them suffer a consequence or work through awkward tension.

This picture makes me look like a giant flower bush!!!

You may be surprised to hear that this self admitted pain avoider is planning and preparing for a natural, drug free child birth…I shudder a little whenever I say that phrase.

I am not a woman with a list of 100 reasons why epidurals are evil and believes there is any greater glory to be found in a natural vs. pain medicated childbirth. Any woman who has gone through the challenges and difficulties of pregnancy and delivery of a child whether by c-section, naturally or with drugs is my hero.

I have read my fair share of articles on the benefits of an epidural free delivery, but that is not the reason we are choosing that route.

The reason we are preparing for a drug free, natural vaginal delivery…comes down to a conversation between me and Jesus.

Charity: Jesus, what kind of childbirth do you want me to prepare for? (please say epidural, please say epidural, please say epidural)

Jesus: Natural delivery without an epidural.

Charity: So maybe I should ask again….Jesus, what kind of childbirth do you want me to prepare for? (please say epidural, please say epidural, please say epidural)

Jesus: Natural delivery without an epidural.

Charity: Maybe we should talk about this later.

We did talk about it later…having the same conversation over and over again, until one day, I reluctantly surrendered. “Ok, Jesus, if you are saying to prepare for a natural delivery without an epidural then that is what I will do. But let the record show, I think this is a horrible idea.”

Fast forward this week’s Bradley Birthing Class, where we were welcomed to class with the announcement that we were going to have a labor rehearsal…rehearsal….that’s one word a theater nerd understands.

How do you properly rehearse for something as dreadfully unique as labor and childbirth? Turns out…you can’t…. but there are different relaxation and breathing techniques that you can practice with your birth coach (my awesome husband, Rene) to be more prepared for labor.

Our labor rehearsal consisted of each woman being given a bucket of ice water. We were instructed to lie in a comfortable position and close our eyes. Then our teacher told us to put our hand in the water and not to remove it until instructed. For the first round of our ice bath our birth coaches were not allowed to touch us or talk to us. I also had no idea how long my hand was going to remain suspended in ice.

Going into this exercise, I thought it would be a breeze, I mean I’m from Washington our definition of a nice day at the beach is lower 60’s with a light drizzle…I can survive cold…

That was one of the worst and longest 60 seconds of my life. My husband told me later he thought I was going to start crying… because I WAS! It took every ounce of energy and self control I had to not remove my hand from the water.

I kept trying to do all the relaxation techniques they have taught us in Bradley class, breathe deeply, think about a beautiful beach, focus on breathing air into the tense parts of your body…yeah..right…all I could think was: “ow, ow, ow…when is this torture ending and this exercise must be like freshmen chemistry….designed to weed out the weak from strong…alright Mr. Bradley…you found me out…I’m the weakest link…I’m out of here, this was a huge mistake, I can’t make it through natural labor if I can’t endure my hand sitting in ice water.”

The worst part of the experience was feeling so alone. I knew people were around me, but no one, including my husband could talk to me, touch me or give me an indication of when the torture would end.

The second round was better, because our instructor gave us a verbal countdown of how many seconds remained.

The third and fourth rounds felt like heaven, for one simple reason: my coach could talk to me and touch me.

Rene did such an amazing job of encouraging me, rubbing my back and reminding me of beautiful places we have been together…like the beach!

The activity went from torture to bearable with the insertion of one variable: encouragement!

I left the activity believing that I could actually survive labor without an epidural and realizing how thankful I was that Rene was going to be by my side because he is such a great encourager.

I was thinking about the power of a simple encouragement the rest of the night and it reminded me of earlier that day when I was at the grocery store.

I was headed towards the toilet bowl cleaner when I noticed a woman walking slouched with deep weariness. I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart to go and ask her if there was a way I could pray for her.

After working through my fear of how awkward and weird it would be to stalk someone in the dairy section and then talk to them about prayer…I went ahead and found her and asked if there was a way I could pray for me.

She responded by telling me I should probably get out some paper, because her lists of requests was that long.

What she was walking through was one of the most difficult situations I have ever heard. At one point she stopped, looked at me and said with tears in her eyes, “thank you so much for asking” and then she hugged me in the middle of the dairy aisle like she had needed a good hug and a long cry for a decade. I cried too and I prayed, asking Jesus to heal every place that needed healing and encouraged her that “Jesus loves you and He has His eye on you.” And then we both cried and hugged again next to some very confused customers buying their eggs.

She told me that day she had no idea how she would even make it through the end of the day. She felt so defeated in every way: physically, emotionally and spiritually….

But the simplicity of a question, “can I pray for you”

The presence of another human being listening to her story.

An embrace between 2 strangers, reaching beyond social norms, to simply say – I hear your pain, I care and I believe in you.

The power of a prayer, 2 people crying out to the only One who can fix and heal what was so broken…

It gave her the hope she needed to persevere through the rest of the day.

I wish I never missed or ignored an opportunity to encourage people. But I do.

I miss them because I am thinking about my own problems or agenda. I miss them because I am checking my phone. I miss them because I forget to ask, “Father what you are doing right now? How can I be a part of it.”

We need each other, we weren’t made to journey alone.

If you want to be a hope giver, find someone today with their lives stuck in a bucket of despair, in their real life drama starring pain and discouragement and offer them encouragement.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Romans 5:15- 16

I’m curious to know other reader’s labor experiences? How did you make it through? Who were your main encouragers through the process? Do you find yourself, like me, distracted and often unaware of those around us needing encouragement? How has someone encouraging you helped you through a tough time?

Baby Bean, Moving, Ice Storms, Kumquat and why I am thankful for Iron….

March 12, 2014

Hello Friends!

Wow, it feels like we haven’t chatted in forever. I hope you are doing awesome!!!! There has been so much going on the past week and a half that I haven’t had a chance to check in…so this should be an action packed update!

After saying good – bye to some of our favorite people and places in Corpus Christi, we have officially moved!

Beautiful Corpus Christi beach!

We’re going to miss our Saturday breakfast dates at Hester’s!

I have no pictures to share of our house covered in wall to wall boxes, because lets be honest I would like to forget that ever happened..especially since we are renting so I know we will have to do this all again someday. We were so blessed that my hubby’s company paid for movers – wow, movers – can I just say having someone come and pack your stuff, and then unload it is my favorite way to move – especially when you are preggo. I think I would still be back in Corpus Christi packing if it hadn’t been for that present from Jesus!

How are Jaxon and Sparta adjusting to their new life ????…all they needed was ~~our~~ their couch and ~~our~~ their favorite blanket to feel right at home.

I think its unfair for me to lose couch access because of these sleepy felines…but they look so cozy I don’t usually have the heart to move them….especially when we experienced a freak March ice storm our first week living in Central Texas. ~~I am so glad you didn’t see~~ I wish you could have seen my husband and I frantically searching for something to scrape the ice off the car at 6:30 a.m. Just a quick note for all the Texans who don’t have ice scrapers – giant barbeque spatulas work great!

And now for the most exciting part of this post…Baby Bean Update!

I am in week 12, which according to some people is the 2nd tri-mester although some sources say its the end of the 1st trimester. What do you think?

Being an eternal optimist I have been saying that I am at the beginning of the 2nd trimester…anything to distance myself from nausea, food aversions and feel like I am making progress. I can’t believe how much baby been has grown since Week 10:

Week 10: Baby Bean is the size of a Kumquat, which I learned is a garnish for beverages. And at $7 a pound…that’s all I could use it for. Try saying “Kumquat” 10 times fast without smiling…Its impossible to not smile when you are repeating that silly word!

Week 11: Baby Bean is the size of a Lime!
I like this pic because you can really see my baby bump =)

Week 12: Baby Bean is the size of a Plum.

Thanks so much for all your prayers for a healthy pregnancy! We met with our doctor before leaving Corpus for a last visit (so sad to leave her, she is truly amazing!) and she said everything was going really well!

We did find out at that visit that my iron levels were really low, which explains why I needed as much sleep as a 1 year old. Having never made it this far in pregnancy I didn’t realize that needing 10 – 12 hours of sleep at night and a 2 naps every day, while still feeling fatigued wasn’t normal. Ooooppppsss… Thank you Jesus for my Iron prescription, the first day I took it last week I felt like a different person!!!!! I still enjoy squeezing in a nap everyday but I don’t need as much sleep and I have lost the feeling that every movement I make is as difficult as trudging through mud.

More beef for me I guess…good thing I live in Texas!!!!

Are you on Spring Break? What are you doing for your break? Have you experienced iron deficiency before? When did your first tri-mester symptoms disappear??? – I am still waiting for that amazing 2nd tri-mester energy burst everyone raves about!!!!